This blog is two fold: to remember our family vacations ( which I am managing to complete 2/3 of each trip) and to remember the little day to day things that Max does and pregnancy-wise what happens when. I thought I would remember those things but I don't. Like last week I went in to have labs drawn and of course my little buddy came with. He played with his cars and ate snacks but when it came time to draw labs his focus was on me.. Max noticed the needle go into my arm and he repeated "doing?" I had never heard him say that before. He hears and sees everything. I knew that but it never ceases to amaze me.
This week I was in the bathroom hand washing some things and went out to hang them up.. usually Max follows me out but he stayed behind so I went to look for him and he found the toliet cleaning brush and opened the toliet up and was "cleaning". It was so cute I had to take a picture.
Just today he found my flipflops on the floor and decided to try them on and see if he could walk. It was hilarious watching those wheels spin trying to make it work. When he managed to take a few steps, he beamed. I love it. What a great kid.
Max's recongition is really starting to show, too. When I say we are going to nana's house he says "swimmin". He has only been in their pool once, but he remembered it.
I feel so blessed that I get so much time to spend with him. I am in awe of the human body and the learning process' of a infant/toddler. It is phenomenal. When do they think of these things to try. When did he learn that word. I tried teaching him a few signs when he was a baby to help us communicate. "more" was one he knows well. With spring upon us we have been out cutting the grass and our neighbors, too. if you know Max you know that he loves wheels. Tires, fans, anything that is a circle, really. So, the lawn mower is a new favorite. He kept trying to tell me "more" in sign language and pointing to outside, so I thought he just wanted to be outside to play.. but he was interchanging "more" and 'mower'. Guess I need to enuciate. Now he says lawn mower, which is a pretty big word or phrase. But he will still sign "more" when he says lawn mower. I love learning. It's so cool.
As, for me. I am still waiting. I hadn't been to work in four days until yesterday. Coming back was hard. I'm not sure if its working with pregnant women and babies or just working with such caring women but I get emotional being here. I have decided that if I don't "do" anything natually by next Friday I will most likely have a D&C then. I just want to get on with it. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. Waiting it out while knowing that its not a fruitful pregnancy is hard, emotionally. I saw my doctor at work yesterday and was able to discuss more with him. The phrase "next time" got me a wee bit emotional. It's hard to think about next time but I know life goes on. I do have to say that this time isn't as hard as the losses before Max. My hypothesis is if no one else, I have Max. Before it was hard to have that innate drive to motherhood and not know if it was in His plan. We definitely want more babies and I loved being pregnant with Max. I will mourn not having that extra special Christmas present this year and Tuesday's will be a reminder but it just wasn't meant to be. I love the baby and am glad to know that God will be the "parent" the baby will know.
My type A plan (yes a plan, but I am understanding that plans change) is to have a great summer not nursing or being pregnant (its been 4 years since I have had a summer like that). I can rollerblade, bike, have an adult beverage, most importantly get this body back in shape.. then I think I might be ready to try again.
No comments:
Post a Comment