Mother's Day in Hindsight

Okay, so I will probably ramble my way through this one. Beware! So heading into this past weekend I was anxious knowing that I had to work and we were having Max baptized on Sunday with 20+ people coming over afterwards. We cleaned like crazy on saturday, then I went to work and left whatever was left to my AMAZING husband. I know full well what he is capable of and he definitely came through! I just feel bad about leaving him with all of it and also want to help and learn from his ways. Sunday morning we were all business putting the finishing touches on everything and getting cleaned up. There was no time for any of thoughts. In the car on the way to church, I looked over and at Robb and said "lets just enjoy the day now" meaning we can't worry about what didn't get done or what was going to happen. The planning and preparing were over and I wanted to enjoy the day.

Max looked so handsome in my brothers little romper ( pictures to follow!) and he did well in church, despite having so much activity all morning he refused to nap! The baptisms are included in the church service so we knew we couldn't just walk out if he got loud! I got a bit nervous when he started "singing" along with the songs before we got to the baptism. But once we were up there Max was great! He was such a ham, too! When Pastor Tim walked around introducing him to the congregation, he took in that applause and gave them his biggest grin! That's our boy! After that, I was so overwhelmed with emotion! The flood gates totally opened! I was so proud of him and glad to have this day here. I kept looking at him thinking, I would not be a mother if it weren't for you!

I couldn't help thinking back to that day in the doctors office when they told me I had a uterine septum and would most likely never have a baby! At 24, I was so depressed. I went through a somewhat angry phase with God, thinking how cruel to put this much desire and love for children in a person who couldn't bear them. I prayed through it and got to a place where I was what I thought okay with it. When I met Robb and I knew he was the "one" ( after date 3) I had to tell him the news that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to have his babies and if he wanted to get out, now was the chance. ( I really did tell him this after only about a month of dating, I figured cut my losses before I got too attached) He must love me because that didn't scare him off. Robb always told me, I love you not your ability to have babies. We had a plan that if we didn't have a baby after our first year of marriage we would start the adoption process. The rest of this story goes downhill, for a bit. I found a new MD that told me that I would have babies and that it would be his personal challenge to make it happen. Immediately, I had a new hero! Someone that gave me hope! Of course, Robb had always told he this, too! After we got married we tried and had 3 somewhat public miscarriages (we had no problem getting pregnant!). We had some thrilling highs and heartbreaking lows ( and I should have bought stock in pregnancy tests!) I was truly blessed with a wonderful husband who never gave up faith. He picked me up everytime and we got through all of them. We have truly great family and friends that prayed us through, too! After the 3 the MD was ready to "do' something about all of this. I had a surgery on my uterus in Jan 2008 and the very next month our little miracle began to grow!

I had some bleeding, again at 6 weeks, like I did will all the pregnancies. I was convinced going in to the ultrasound that I was miscarrying yet again. But, he was there. Still too small to see the heartbeat, but there! I was a puddle! However, my MD remained positive and said when i came back in two weeks, we'd see so much more! He was right! Two weeks later we walked in the office barely breathing we were so nervous. I was a pro at these ultrasounds by now and right away I saw that he had a nice strong heart. I looked at Robb with tears and he looked at me and said " I see it!" We never offically had made it to 8 weeks before. I guess I kept my heart guarded because it wasn't until 20 weeks that I actually let myself believe I was having a baby! Maybe I just didn't know what it was "supposed" to feel like. I mean I would daydream about our little "golfball head" but I didn't really let it in. I refused to let myself think about what labor room I'd be in or what our birth story would be. I just wanted to experience it. After 41 weeks; I did! I went into labor the day I was supposed to go in for an induction. My water broke on the way into the hospital and I experienced some wonderful contractions! I loved it! I loved feeling them, knowing it meant I was going to meet this little person. Once he was here he never left my sight. I guess it took until Mother's Day for it to really sink in. He is our baby. The one we prayed for, the one we hoped for. Its so surreal. God is amazing. He does hear prayers and answer them, too. You just have to be open to hearing and seeing Him have His mysterious timing and graceful ways!

So, now I sit here, a mother, who just experienced her first mother's day. More in love with this amazing life that has been bestowed upon me. I am humbled. I feel so blessed to have a healthy and happy husband and son. I should not ask for more..